Our focus for the next several weeks will be on revision. Below I have posted an essay and an outline from a college admission sample. Review the essay and outline. You will then work backwards to create an outline from the essay posted at the end of this blog.
Essay:
It took me eighteen years to realize what an extraordinary influence my mother has been on my life. She's the kind of person who has thoughtful discussions about which artist she would most want to have her portrait painted by (Sargent), the kind of mother who always has time for her four children, and the kind of community leader who has a seat on the board of every major project to assist Washington's impoverished citizens.Growing up with such a strong role model, I developed many of her enthusiasms. I not only came to love the excitement of learning simply for the sake of knowing something new, but I also came to understand the idea of giving back to the community in exchange for a new sense of life, love, and spirit.
My mother's enthusiasm for learning is most apparent in travel. I was nine years old when my family visited Greece. Every night for three weeks before the trip, my older brother Peter and I sat with my mother on her bed reading Greek myths and taking notes on the Greek Gods. Despite the fact that we were traveling with fourteen-month-old twins, we managed to be at each ruin when the site opened at sunrise. I vividly remember standing in an empty amphitheatre pretending to be an ancient tragedian, picking out my favorite sculpture in the Acropolis museum, and inserting our family into modified tales of the battle at Troy. Eight years and half a dozen passport stamps later I have come to value what I have learned on these journeys about global history, politics and culture, as well as my family and myself.
While I treasure the various worlds my mother has opened to me abroad, my life has been equally transformed by what she has shown me just two miles from my house. As a ten year old, I often accompanied my mother to (name deleted), a local soup kitchen and children's center. While she attended meetings, I helped with the Summer Program by chasing children around the building and performing magic tricks. Having finally perfected the "floating paintbrush" trick, I began work as a full time volunteer with the five and six year old children last June. It is here that I met Jane Doe, an exceptionally strong girl with a vigor that is contagious. At the end of the summer, I decided to continue my work at (name deleted) as Jane's tutor. Although the position is often difficult, the personal rewards are beyond articulation. In the seven years since I first walked through the doors of (name deleted), I have learned not only the idea of giving to others, but also of deriving from them a sense of spirit.
Everything that my mother has ever done has been overshadowed by the thought behind it. While the raw experiences I have had at home and abroad have been spectacular, I have learned to truly value them by watching my mother. She has enriched my life with her passion for learning, and changed it with her devotion to humanity. In her endless love of everything and everyone she is touched by, I have seen a hope and life that is truly exceptional. Next year, I will find a new home miles away. However, my mother will always be by my side.
OUTLINE:
Paragraph 1 (Introduction)
I. Leading sentence: "It took me eighteen years to realize what an extraordinary influence my mother has been on my life."
II. Summary of main points: "I not only came to love the excitement of learning simply for the sake of knowing something new, but I also came to understand the idea of giving back to the community in exchange for a new sense of life, love, and spirit."
Paragraph 2 (First Supporting Point)
I. Transition sentence: "My mother's enthusiasm for learning is most apparent in travel."
II. Supporting point: Her mother's enthusiasm for learning.
III. Evidence: Learning through travel by using the example of a trip to Greece.
Paragraph 3 (Second Supporting Point)
I. Transition sentence: "While I treasure the various worlds my mother has opened to me abroad, my life has been equally transformed by what she has shown me just two miles from my house."
II. Supporting point: Her mother's dedication to the community.
III. Evidence: Her multiple volunteer activities such as helping at the local soup kitchen.
Paragraph 4 (Conclusion)
I. Transition sentence: "Everything that my mother has ever done has been overshadowed by the thought behind it."
II. Reiteration of main points: "She has enriched my life with her passion for learning, and changed it with her devotion to humanity."
III. Taking it one step further: "Next year, I will find a new home miles away. However, my mother will always be by my side."
Analyze and create an outline for the following essay:
Discovering and choosing a university that fulfills all of my needs was a rigorous yet exciting task. The Ivy U clearly emerged as the best choice for me and I, as a great match for the university. After visiting the campus, reading the information pamphlet, and researching the university Web site, I realize that Ivy offers what I hope to gain from my college experience. In return, I will contribute to the university as a person with leadership qualities who takes initiative and enjoys participating in school events.
As president of the student council, I have always promoted school spirit, and I intend to continue my enthusiastic involvement throughout my college career. My school places a large emphasis on test grades and homework, creating a serious mood throughout the school. As president, I have tried to enrich the school experience by planning events such as school lunches and interesting field trips. I have learned through my role as president to take charge, delegate responsibilities, be creative, innovative, exciting, and take responsibility. I hope to use these attributes to contribute to many of the clubs and activities offered at Ivy.
At the beginning of this school year, I took the initiative and single-handedly started a need-based tutoring service to pair weaker students with scholastically competent seniors and juniors. Approximately thirty students have been successfully paired and my school has permanently adopted this program. I am thrilled to know that Ivy has a tutoring service to help immigrants and political refugees in West Philadelphia where I can continue tutoring while in college.
In addition to academic breadth, there are a greater variety of extra-curricular activities available on the larger campus. I am excited about continuing my interests in sports and theater. I have played on my high school's varsity volleyball team for two years and I plan to play volleyball throughout college in Ivy's women's club volleyball. I also performed in The Sound of Music in high school and the Teatron will allow me to actively participate in theater.
I have chosen to apply early decision to the Ivy School of Nursing for I realize that Ivy is the perfect university for me. A college is ultimately as good as the students who attend, and as a well-rounded student who excels academically, socially, and in her extra curricular activities, I feel that I will add to and learn from Ivy and its flourishing environment. I function most effectively in a small academic setting and will derive all the benefits of the university's intimate yet rich campus. I truly believe that I will fulfill my potential by attending the University of Ivy.
5.1 Midterm Review
The first semester midterm exam will give you an opportunity to show your mastery of skills that you have been practicing throughout the semester. The following are some key areas that you can expect to see on the exam:
1) Questions that test your understanding of a reading selection.
2) Questions that test your understanding of the way in which a selection is written.
Examples:
- The main purpose of the first paragraph is to...
- The main purpose of the essay is to...
- Identifying examples of irony, metaphor, hyperbole, simile,symbolism, and personification in the selection.
-Identifying the use of extended metaphor, hyperbole, logical persuasion, and sensory language.
- Which details support the idea that____?
3) Questions that ask you to analyze the way in which a selection is written.
Examples:
- How does the author organize and present ideas in the essay?
- How does the author support his ideas?
- How does the author's personality affect his writing?
- How does that author express his ideas? ( allusions, use of irony, persuasive argumnet,or use of allegory)
- What bias does the author reveal in his/her writing?
- Describe the mood in the first half of the story and tell how it changes in the second half.
4) Questions that ask you to analyze and evaluate a passage.
Examples:
- Is the author's argument still valuable today? In which ways is it archaic and outdated?
- Describe the tone of the essay.
- What theme is expressed in the first paragraph of the essay?
- Which statements show the use an emotional appeal to a person's conscience rather than an appeal to reason?
- Why does the author draw a comparison between ____ and ____?
- In your opinion, how persuasive is the author's argumnet and why?
5) Proofreading and Revision:
- subject/ verb agreement
- correct word usage ( that, which/ who/ whom)
- sentence structure
- correct capitalization and punctuation
- use of transitions
* For practice on revision and proffreeading, go to the textbook link from the Parkview website and select "High School Language Arts" and then "Test Practice."
Please begin to review for your semester exam. You may post examples from previouse lessons where you have practiced the above skills.
Other terms to know:
Allusions
Irony
Allegory
Simile
Personification
Hyperbole
Metaphor
1) Questions that test your understanding of a reading selection.
2) Questions that test your understanding of the way in which a selection is written.
Examples:
- The main purpose of the first paragraph is to...
- The main purpose of the essay is to...
- Identifying examples of irony, metaphor, hyperbole, simile,symbolism, and personification in the selection.
-Identifying the use of extended metaphor, hyperbole, logical persuasion, and sensory language.
- Which details support the idea that____?
3) Questions that ask you to analyze the way in which a selection is written.
Examples:
- How does the author organize and present ideas in the essay?
- How does the author support his ideas?
- How does the author's personality affect his writing?
- How does that author express his ideas? ( allusions, use of irony, persuasive argumnet,or use of allegory)
- What bias does the author reveal in his/her writing?
- Describe the mood in the first half of the story and tell how it changes in the second half.
4) Questions that ask you to analyze and evaluate a passage.
Examples:
- Is the author's argument still valuable today? In which ways is it archaic and outdated?
- Describe the tone of the essay.
- What theme is expressed in the first paragraph of the essay?
- Which statements show the use an emotional appeal to a person's conscience rather than an appeal to reason?
- Why does the author draw a comparison between ____ and ____?
- In your opinion, how persuasive is the author's argumnet and why?
5) Proofreading and Revision:
- subject/ verb agreement
- correct word usage ( that, which/ who/ whom)
- sentence structure
- correct capitalization and punctuation
- use of transitions
* For practice on revision and proffreeading, go to the textbook link from the Parkview website and select "High School Language Arts" and then "Test Practice."
Please begin to review for your semester exam. You may post examples from previouse lessons where you have practiced the above skills.
Other terms to know:
Allusions
Irony
Allegory
Simile
Personification
Hyperbole
Metaphor
4.3
This week we are reviewing sentence types. Please review the information below and then write one of each type.
Sentence Types
Structurally, English sentences can be classified four different ways, though there are endless constructions of each. The classifications are based on the number of independent and dependent clauses a sentence contains. An independent clause forms a complete sentence on its own, while a dependent clause needs another clause to make a complete sentence. By learning these types, writers can add complexity and variation to their sentences.
Simple sentence: A sentence with one independent clause and no dependent clauses.
*
My aunt enjoyed taking the hayride with you.
*
China's Han Dynasty marked an official recognition of Confucianism.
Compound Sentence: A sentence with multiple independent clauses but no dependent clauses.
*
The clown frightened the little girl, and she ran off screaming.
*
The Freedom Riders departed on May 4, 1961, and they were determined to travel through many southern states.
Complex Sentence: A sentence with one independent clause and at least one dependent clause.
*
After Mary added up all the sales, she discovered that the lemonade stand was 32 cents short.
While all of his paintings are fascinating, Hieronymus Bosch's triptychs, full of mayhem and madness, are the real highlight of his art.
Complex-Compound Sentence: A sentence with multiple independent clauses and at least one dependent clause.
*
With her reputation on the line, Peggy played against a fierce opponent at the Scrabble competition, and overcoming nerve-racking competition, she won the game with one well-placed word.
*
Catch-22 is widely regarded as Joseph Heller's best novel, and because Heller served in World War II, which the novel satirizes, the zany but savage wit of the novel packs an extra punch.
Sentence Types
Structurally, English sentences can be classified four different ways, though there are endless constructions of each. The classifications are based on the number of independent and dependent clauses a sentence contains. An independent clause forms a complete sentence on its own, while a dependent clause needs another clause to make a complete sentence. By learning these types, writers can add complexity and variation to their sentences.
Simple sentence: A sentence with one independent clause and no dependent clauses.
*
My aunt enjoyed taking the hayride with you.
*
China's Han Dynasty marked an official recognition of Confucianism.
Compound Sentence: A sentence with multiple independent clauses but no dependent clauses.
*
The clown frightened the little girl, and she ran off screaming.
*
The Freedom Riders departed on May 4, 1961, and they were determined to travel through many southern states.
Complex Sentence: A sentence with one independent clause and at least one dependent clause.
*
After Mary added up all the sales, she discovered that the lemonade stand was 32 cents short.
While all of his paintings are fascinating, Hieronymus Bosch's triptychs, full of mayhem and madness, are the real highlight of his art.
Complex-Compound Sentence: A sentence with multiple independent clauses and at least one dependent clause.
*
With her reputation on the line, Peggy played against a fierce opponent at the Scrabble competition, and overcoming nerve-racking competition, she won the game with one well-placed word.
*
Catch-22 is widely regarded as Joseph Heller's best novel, and because Heller served in World War II, which the novel satirizes, the zany but savage wit of the novel packs an extra punch.
4.2
CONFLICT
Conflict is the essence of fiction. It creates plot. The conflicts we encounter can usually be identified as one of four kinds.
Man versus Man
Conflict that pits one person against another.
Man versus Nature
A run-in with the forces of nature. On the one hand, it expresses the insignificance of a single human life in the cosmic scheme of things. On the other hand, it tests the limits of a person’s strength and will to live.
Man versus Society
The values and customs by which everyone else lives are being challenged. The character may come to an untimely end as a result of his or her own convictions. The character may, on the other hand, bring others around to a sympathetic point of view, or it may be decided that society was right after all.
Man versus Self
Internal conflict. Not all conflict involves other people. Sometimes people are their own worst enemies. An internal conflict is a good test of a character’s values. Does he give in to temptation or rise above it? Does he demand the most from himself or settle for something less? Does he even bother to struggle? The internal conflicts of a character and how they are resolved are good clues to the character’s inner strength.
Often, more than one kind of conflict is taking place at the same time. In every case, however, the existence of conflict enhances the reader’s understanding of a character and creates the suspense and interest that make you want to continue reading.
Cite an example of conflict from your current readings by completing the following:
1) State the name of the work of fiction
2) Describe the situation in which conflict taking place
3) Label the type of conflict that is occurring.
Example
1) Into the Wild
2) Chris McCandless goes into the Alaskan wilderness with the goal of surviving off the land; however, his struggle to survive ends tragically.
3) man vs. nature
* note- several other forms of conflict also occur in this novel
Conflict is the essence of fiction. It creates plot. The conflicts we encounter can usually be identified as one of four kinds.
Man versus Man
Conflict that pits one person against another.
Man versus Nature
A run-in with the forces of nature. On the one hand, it expresses the insignificance of a single human life in the cosmic scheme of things. On the other hand, it tests the limits of a person’s strength and will to live.
Man versus Society
The values and customs by which everyone else lives are being challenged. The character may come to an untimely end as a result of his or her own convictions. The character may, on the other hand, bring others around to a sympathetic point of view, or it may be decided that society was right after all.
Man versus Self
Internal conflict. Not all conflict involves other people. Sometimes people are their own worst enemies. An internal conflict is a good test of a character’s values. Does he give in to temptation or rise above it? Does he demand the most from himself or settle for something less? Does he even bother to struggle? The internal conflicts of a character and how they are resolved are good clues to the character’s inner strength.
Often, more than one kind of conflict is taking place at the same time. In every case, however, the existence of conflict enhances the reader’s understanding of a character and creates the suspense and interest that make you want to continue reading.
Cite an example of conflict from your current readings by completing the following:
1) State the name of the work of fiction
2) Describe the situation in which conflict taking place
3) Label the type of conflict that is occurring.
Example
1) Into the Wild
2) Chris McCandless goes into the Alaskan wilderness with the goal of surviving off the land; however, his struggle to survive ends tragically.
3) man vs. nature
* note- several other forms of conflict also occur in this novel
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